Author: Krista Nova

23 Apr

Posted at 12:00h in Intimacy

COVID-19 has us living in interesting times. Our current change in daily life and routines has affected us on multiple levels. Many people are struggling with massive changes or the loss of work, having the kids may be at home with you without pause, the loss of social outlets that have been pillars for your happiness and on top of all of this, it is likely that you are at home with your partner almost all the time these days.

More time together, fewer times with friends, less alone time and way more time with the kids…

A bit of COVID-19 cabin fever is sure to be felt.

If this is the case for you, then I will offer you a tip for navigating this strange new world with a bit of sexiness. 

We live in an accelerated time when some relationships quickly crystalize into more profound commitment and love, while other partnerships will crumble.

It can be pretty overwhelming when you are in a dance of un-ending togetherness. 

What happens when we are suddenly spending all of our time together eating the same food, seeing each other all day? 

That connection loses some of its spark. We create our charge through our differences, and when we are suddenly feeling more like a twin than a lover, it is time to spice it up, get playful and create some erotic friction.

I get that there are limitations if the kids are home all of the time. 

Suppose you do not have much private space. There is still an opportunity to ignite your erotic creativity. So much is available to us through the imagination. The day we decide that we think we know everything about our partner, that there is nothing new for you to discover about them, that day is the death of eros. However, resurrection is often possible.

This is something that you can do at home at any time. You can do this at the kitchen table however, I would recommend lighting a few candles and creating a sacred space. This can be done with or without clothing. You will each need a pen and paper.

How to Ignite The Sexy Fire during COVID-19

On your paper, you will write out five fantasies or sexual desires you have. Feel into your body and your imagination for this. Invite your imagination to reveal itself without judgement.

You will each take a turn to read your list and then choose one from the list to share in more detail. Explain the fantasy: Who is there with you? What is the temperature? Where are you? What is the scent in the air? 

Allow your partner to ask questions, so you both get an animated sense of the desire. This desire never has to come true. There can be so much pleasure felt in the body just from talking about it. Then the other partner will have a chance to share their list.

This is a fun practice, and it can open up the erotic doorways in the relationship. Even talking about these desires can be so liberating.

This list may or may not translate into new explorations. Sharing about it without even acting on it can already increase your capacity for pleasure.

Have fun with this. May it recharge and deepen your erotic connections during COVID-19, this current cycle of chaos.

30 Oct

Posted at 13:00h in Intimacy, Tantra

The Sexual Agent – What happens when we drop this and get curious and open to spontaneity?

When we can step out of the box, we come to discover that male bodies can develop themselves as multi-orgasmic beings. 

Secondly, the same goes for female bodies being fully wired to enjoy a multi-orgasmic life not limited to the famous clitoral orgasms. 

This is the truth of our sexual potential, and I hope that you will explore this without the expectations.

Just try it. Let go of any other agenda you may have brought into the bedroom, in any way that you want it to go, let the outcome drop away. 

Removing the goal is an invitation to drop deeper into connection, to fall deeper in love and embrace the unknown. Let your senses come alive and guide you.

 What is the biggest miracle game-changer for your sex life?

There is a simple answer to this. 

Remove the agenda! Have Spontaneous Sex!

Remove the agenda around sex NOW to save your relationship. 

The agenda? What agenda is that exactly? 

Everyone may have a unique schedule for which they have developed their strategies. 

However, the typical plan in sexual interactions boils down to the orgasm, which is often experienced as some sort of finale—the dramatic ending of a performance. 

It is time to stop rushing to get to the ending and simply feel what is happening. 

Tune in to the sensations in your body and let that become the portal to immense pleasure.

This is the ironic part of the equation. It is possible to get so lost in your head, focused on the end of the act. Instead of enjoying this epic moment, you may get distracted by your goals and outcome.

The goal has become the finish line, and the race ends before it starts.

This is a bit like going for a long hike through the most pristine emerald forest and not even taking in the beauty and wonder of all the amazing trees, plants and creatures around. 

There becomes so much anxiety about this finale. 

For men such pressure of When Will I Cum!? 

“When will I cum? I better orgasm before I lose my erection…but not too soon or she will be disappointed…” and so on. 

This orgasm at the end seems to have become symbolic of the value of the sexual exchange. 

For women, there is also a tremendous pressure with orgasm that their partners often do not realize. She feels the pressure to orgasm, not just for her but for him. 

They worry that he will not feel empowered unless he brings her pleasure as well. He is somehow convinced that pleasure exists alone in the orgasm. 

Here we lose sight of the pleasure that is available in every breath. Ironically, he feels pressure and tension for his performance, and she feels it also at the same time – a need to deliver.

This is frequently happening for those who have fallen into sexual patterns. 

We need to focus on the glorious reality that pleasure is available in every moment.

When a woman is feeling on the spot to orgasm, this pressure can sometimes backfire and create tension and expectations.

I often work with my clients to simply drop the focus on expectations. 

This is some of my most influential work. 

The whole point is to drop into the body and feel. When we can let go of these desired outcomes, we can enjoy the pleasure of our bodies much more freely. It is as simple as that.

I have supported many clients to remove the sexual agenda, and it always creates more freedom. It is a new level of lovemaking. The more free we feel, the more room for pleasure and expansion—the more room to just be ourselves.

I am not talking about never having these orgasms but removing them as the focus of union. I suggest trying it for yourself and seeing what else comes.

Imagine you are on holiday that you have been dreaming up for years. You have planned to visit the world-famous destination site at 4 pm. It starts to be a day full of mystery and surprise. This magical land is full of exotic smells, tantalizing flavours and so much colour dancing through your vision.

You receive some unforeseen invitation to adventure, yet you behave rigidly and instead push to make it to the site by four. 

You arrive at the gates feeling overwhelmed by the noisy crowds and notice your body is feeling contracted and even frustrated with this part of the experience.

At this point, you suddenly wish you were not even there like you should have just stayed with the escapades that you had shrugged off to get to your destination at 4 o’clock. What would have happened if you had dropped this plan and really enjoyed all that this day could have offered you in this far off mysterious land. It is up to you to choose your own adventure.

Drop the Sexual Agenda: Get curious and open to spontaneity

When we stop forcing, then we can experience the aliveness of the present moment. Then we open to ourselves, open to our partner, the Beloved and the intoxication of unlimited pleasure.

07 Mar

Posted at 12:00h in Intimacy

Sex and spirituality – here is the truth about it. Sex is a very spiritual experience. The nature of Eros is Divine.

Prayerful lovemaking is the sexiest thing in the world.

It must have occurred to you that you were born from sex? 

That this human creation is, in fact, a product of sexual energy – if that is not a considerable confirmation of Spirit then I do not know what is?

People choose to devote their life to Spirit yet think somehow this means they need to deny their sexual energy. 

Why suppress your desire when it is the golden ticket on this cosmic journey? We are here to experience the oneness of body, mind and spirit?

How Sex and Spirituality Came To Be One

Many people are attracted to Tantra at the beginning of a healing journey. They are attracted to the profound healing and mystical experiences that are available. Eventually, it comes clear that  Sacred Union is recognized as a real path to enlightenment.

For me, it was my spiritual quest that brought me to Tantra. I did not seek the answers to understand my sexuality specifically, but I followed a deep calling to know myself truly. These two could not be separated.

When we surrender to tantric lovemaking’s transcendental experiences, it becomes clear that this is a bullet train of a journey beyond mind and ego—an inviting opportunity to return to our true essential nature beyond words and time.

When we embrace the Tantric path of sexuality, it also benefits your meditation practice.  

What you can experience through mystical moments of lovemaking, can support you to move to that very place in your meditation and daily life with much more grace. 

Tantra is about opening to all that we are as Divine beings—awakening our sexual energies so that they may flow like a high voltage river throughout our beings and awaken us to the bliss that we indeed are.

At first, this is possible in glimpses. The more we do our deep work of clearing out the old and making space within, the more we can sustain these states.

Sex and spirituality, how do they work as one? How is sex spiritual? Relax into your pelvis, rest in the heart and delight in the infinite ocean of possibility.

07 Nov

Posted at 18:16h in Intimacy, Tantra

Why are cervical orgasms considered so sought after in the bedrooms of the erotically empowered? Why do some people put cervical orgasms into the same category as the mythical Ogopogo? Cervical orgasms truly surpass the mere whispers of myth and live up to their status as a true legend. Well worth the effort and exploration to awaken cervical orgasms in your lives.

What is a cervical orgasm?

The cervical orgasm has been declared the ultimate Tantric orgasm. This is because these orgasms are able to open you to profoundly mystical experiences. The energy experienced in this process is able to naturally sublime all the way through the chakras up to the crown chakra and expand your consciousness. The beauty in this is that you are not allotted one per lovemaking session. A woman’s body is able to experience an unlimited supply of cervical orgasms and this ongoing experience awakens you to epic bliss.

The cervix is the entrance of the womb and when met with a man’s lingam there is a certain highly charged polarity phenomenon that we can sense with this penetrative gesture of the lingam meeting the cervix. Try tuning into this pure electricity of Shiva meeting Shakti.

The cervix has three main energy channels that wire it directly to the brain. Looking at her sister the clitoris we may note she has only one main channel linking her to the brain.  The Taoist’s also tell us that the cervix is directly wired to the heart in Taoist Sexual Reflexology. These orgasms open us to profound feelings of deep love and oneness.

So why is it that so many women prefer not to have their cervix’s touched? It is a really common area to experience pain or numbness and so many women have had a painful experience of the cervix being touched in a way that hurt and then typically avoid having it touched forever after. Once experiencing such sensitivity and pain women need the inspiration to explore the cervix again so they may continue their journey down the pleasure path and discover their unlimited potential.

The cervix is really the deep core of our feminine and holds our traumas and heartbreaks. Cervical orgasms can be profoundly healing as so much is stored within. Women typically may need to go through a cervical de-armoring process, or program, before the transition of previous pain can be experienced as pleasure. The cervix needs to be approached with sensitivity, love, presence and all the time she may need. Often the cervix may not reach her pleasure for 20-40 minutes so if a sexual encounter is only lasting for 10 minutes then she will never have the opportunity to know this pleasure.

The best way to de-armor your cervix is with a lot of love, patience and dedication. Self-pleasuring is a valuable approach. We need to really know our own bodies first. Using an obsidian wand is a good way to go with applying pressure in back and forth and circular movements to begin awakening her to sensation. You can anticipate that the pain may be present for some weeks and just to know your own limits of exploration and stay always connected to your dear ally the breath. With time the cervical pleasure will grow in intensity.

When it comes time for cervical penetration with your partner I will mention there is a true art to building the cervical orgasm to the point of “Oh my God it is going to blast my head off” quality. This is the art of taking great pleasure in adopting a rhythmic steady penetration with extreme awareness. The awareness is used with precision to feel the actual building of the orgasmic energy. What happens is that every time the lingam thrusts toward and taps on the cervix the energy of the orgasm builds a little more, she gets bigger and bigger with every thrust. These are thrilling moments of pure excitement feeling that orgasm building and knowing well she has the potential to send you straight through the cosmic gates at the moment of blast off. The art is knowing the threshold, building the orgasm in just the way that finally the lingam will move to meet the cervix again and find the anticipated pause, the resting moment when finally all that exquisite creative life force energy moves through the entire being in a high voltage journey to Divine Awakening. This is felt through the entire being and can be so profound that we may feel just simply to meditate in that expanded state of blissful consciousness.

I emphasize the point here to really pause and allow that cervical orgasm to be fully lived, there is no rush here. Enjoy this extraordinary wonder. If you start to thrust too quickly the orgasm will be robbed of her full expression.

My hope is that you will find some inspiration in these words and begin your initiation into the magical unparalleled world of cervical orgasms.

 

 

03 Feb

Posted at 11:14h in Intimacy, Tantra

People are always inquiring about the secrets to amazing sex. What does it take to have earth-shaking, bed-breaking, spirit soaring, heart melting ecstatic tantric sex?

There is a constant longing to experience the next level of intimacy and the mythical sex lives of the Gods that we hear about. There are many ingredients being stirred into the cauldron to bring us the boon of legendary sex. Let’s focus on a key component, the breath.

The Breath and Sex

Quite simply every life form on this planet requires oxygen to live. Regardless if we live in the hot sweaty jungles or the cool crisp mountaintops we thrive on the oxygen delivered by our breath. Choosing to breathe deeply with awareness brings an energetic attunement to our bodies, hearts and spirits. This is part of the alchemical process that opens us to the depth of our selves.

We are born breathing from the very first moment we push through mama’s gateway and are initiated into human life on earth. It is the quality of breath that remains diverse for most people. The quality of breath reflects the quality of our sexual experience.

The power of our breath is far more than a simple key to brilliant sex, it is pivotal for thriving in life. Breath activates our life force.

I have memories of being jam-packed into the crowded Tokyo subways, every car overflowing with humanity. It was such an odd feeling of the unfamiliar bodies of the commuters intensely pressing against me and sensing the restricted rhythms and sounds of those breathing around me. It seemed as though they were gasping for life in the desperation of their daily routine. I used to fantasize about everyone taking a long deep breath together, what a different and extraordinary experience that crowded train would have been.

As a Tantric Yogini, it is fair to say that I have made an extended effort into the endless possibilities of the use of breath through the forms of pranayama and numerous other breathwork practices ranging from the sublime to the cathartic. There are unlimited effects on the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual levels of being. This helps us to shift patterns, get out of the mind, open the heart and crack us wide open. Through these practices I have reached all sorts of discoveries, seen profound visions, intensely rocked my kundalini energy, induced calm states of mind and surrendered into rapturous orgasmic bliss.

Yes, our breath can welcome us into deep orgasmic ecstasy, even in solo practice.

Breathe work for tantric sex

When we apply some of these breathing technologies to our lovemaking everything changes. Simply the more we breathe, the more we will feel. The more we feel the more we come fully alive. The art of extending lovemaking can be found in slow relaxed full breath. We can feel a lot more when we are connected to the breath and it gives us the chance to feel the energy in our bodies and to feel each other. When a man is approaching ejaculation he breathes in a very shallow way. By bringing attention to slow extended breath it helps to last longer and to dive into those extended orgasms.

There are many breathing techniques that we can play within our lovemaking. As a simple start, I recommend exploring some slow full breath. This does not mean everything has to be slow and that all sense of adventure shall be lost. Slowing and expanding the breath changes everything. The longer, deeper and slower the breath, the more you will be able to feel and the more possibility of expanding sensations, expanding orgasms.

Breathing deeply into your belly and pelvis area will help increase relaxation and tune into sensations. This allows feelings to build. Be sure to relax your jaw and really let go with every exhalation. Allow your breath to really enter you. Celebrate what a sensual and intimate experience breathing can be. The slower and more rhythmically you breathe during your lovemaking session, regardless of how fast you are thrusting, the more pleasure and sensation will circulate throughout your body. This is a simple yet powerful practice.

Developing the awareness of your breath in daily life will help it to become second nature.

Three of the essential keys to orgasm are breath, movement and sound. This is where we find our freedom in lovemaking through exploring and expressing these. Orgasmic states arrive when we consciously breathe, naturally move and shamelessly express our heart song.

For both men and women the breath is the portal to full body orgasmic ecstasy. Breath is our tool to deep exploration of self and other on this journey into the infinite realms of bliss.

Learn more about harnessing the power of your breath in this coaching program for couples.

 

12 Jul

Posted at 21:36h in Coaching, Intimacy, Tantra

I was recently sitting with a client that I have been working with for a little while. He is a thirty one year old virgin and I am guiding him to grow the courage and knowledge he needs for his first highly anticipated sexual experience. So I say to him, by the way it is not going to be anything like porn. He reacts with momentary surprise while physically expressing his shock with a small jolt and replying with a soft and slightly disappointed, “really?”

I explain to him how the idealized image he has experienced from porn is not what a woman truly desires at all. I remind him that porn is actually not real. I then began to reveal in more detail the art of touch, being truly seen and felt, the depth of heart connection, eye contact and the joy of pleasuring her to such extremes that her entire being should be inviting him in for penetration.

Fantasy Vs. Reality

This glimpse of reality seemed to shatter a level of fantasy he was holding. After that I was able to  awaken a much greater excitement within him for the limitless juicy potential of Sexual Union.

Every day we are hearing more stories about the impact of porn. As a Sacred Intimacy Coach I am observing it to be one of the hugest obstacles for sexual fulfillment in our time affecting both men and women.

The affects of porn addiction have been clearly surfacing. The younger generation has been raised on and educated by porn from an early age. Sadly some of these men have been robbed of their virility. A man’s sexuality is home for his masculine confidence. What happens to this man’s inner Shiva when he cannot actually perform with a real live beautiful, vital, sexy woman? Excessive porn use has led to the loss of performance with a real live Goddess.

We can see how men have been programmed to think of sex in a particular way and although it is not what most women want they have often managed to somehow just get used to it because it is what they typically find on offer. This leaves a woman dissatisfied and of course decreases her desire for sex. Inside she feels a deep longing for her unanswered cravings. With some artful cultivation men can awaken to the truth that they hold the key to nourish her desire, connect with her heart and open her to ecstasy. When a man is able to open a woman in this way it brings infinite fulfillment and confidence into his life.

The Bigger Picture

We can see that the way we are mistreating the earth is directly linked to the attitude toward the feminine that is frequently popularized through porn. It is a classic dance of the microcosmic/macrocosmic affect. If we look at the bigger picture holding hope for the survival of our species on this planet in the coming age and for the healthiest possible Earth than there is a drastic need to shift this distorted vision of the feminine.

Sure there is room in this world and your life for porn. Just be clear where your line with it is. Like many other addictions the question becomes how frequent is your usage? There is a difference between occasional viewing and an uncontrollable need for viewing.

Some men who choose to be in monogamous relationships state that porn helps to fulfills their desire for diverse flavour and maintain their committed relationship. I agree there are certainly conscious ways of using everything yet I recommend observing your habits with honesty.

Checking In

Check in if it is something you are hiding and lying about? We know that it is secrecy and lies that create shame which then lead to barriers in your sexual expression. Has your partner been trying to seduce you for days and instead of connecting with her you are turning to a quick fix with porn? Do you need to check out with a porn related fantasy in order to orgasm while you are making love with a real woman?

Once it has reached addictive levels it has begun to rewire the neural pathways of the brain. Porn is affecting the dopamine production and then affects the testosterone levels. We know that the testosterone affects the libido and loss of desire or the ability to have an erection even for young men. If you have been experiencing this and you have not known why you may want to consider making some changes and reclaim your sexuality to support you to thrive in this world.

The big question here really becomes how much is porn truly serving what you are wanting in your sexual life? Ask yourself and take the time to reflect. If you are finding that it is not serving you the way that you desire there are many avenues to approach for habit shifting that will require some dedication.

The Real Deal – Get Outside

A simple and pleasurable Tantric suggestion for those that have a sexual partner is to spend this summer making love outside as much as possible as an intentional offering for the healing of this Earth.

I recommend to anyone having a porn craving to alternatively jump in the car or on the bikes and head to the most beautiful quiet place you can get to with your Beloved. Go outside, make love, be free and go wild offering your creative energies as a prayer for the healing of the Feminine.

Replace this nagging craving with the real deal. Let your love song be heard through the valleys, canyons and forests this summer. Consecrate your lovemaking with purpose for this Earth that we call home. Simply take a moment to really consciously offer up your practice to the healing of the Feminine and to our Beloved Earth. If you manage to do this every day I guarantee you a fabulous summer.