12 Jul What the Porn Is Going On?
I was recently sitting with a client that I have been working with for a little while. He is a thirty one year old virgin and I am guiding him to grow the courage and knowledge he needs for his first highly anticipated sexual experience. So I say to him, by the way it is not going to be anything like porn. He reacts with momentary surprise while physically expressing his shock with a small jolt and replying with a soft and slightly disappointed, “really?”
I explain to him how the idealized image he has experienced from porn is not what a woman truly desires at all. I remind him that porn is actually not real. I then began to reveal in more detail the art of touch, being truly seen and felt, the depth of heart connection, eye contact and the joy of pleasuring her to such extremes that her entire being should be inviting him in for penetration.
Fantasy Vs. Reality
This glimpse of reality seemed to shatter a level of fantasy he was holding. After that I was able to awaken a much greater excitement within him for the limitless juicy potential of Sexual Union.
Every day we are hearing more stories about the impact of porn. As a Sacred Intimacy Coach I am observing it to be one of the hugest obstacles for sexual fulfillment in our time affecting both men and women.
The affects of porn addiction have been clearly surfacing. The younger generation has been raised on and educated by porn from an early age. Sadly some of these men have been robbed of their virility. A man’s sexuality is home for his masculine confidence. What happens to this man’s inner Shiva when he cannot actually perform with a real live beautiful, vital, sexy woman? Excessive porn use has led to the loss of performance with a real live Goddess.
We can see how men have been programmed to think of sex in a particular way and although it is not what most women want they have often managed to somehow just get used to it because it is what they typically find on offer. This leaves a woman dissatisfied and of course decreases her desire for sex. Inside she feels a deep longing for her unanswered cravings. With some artful cultivation men can awaken to the truth that they hold the key to nourish her desire, connect with her heart and open her to ecstasy. When a man is able to open a woman in this way it brings infinite fulfillment and confidence into his life.
The Bigger Picture
We can see that the way we are mistreating the earth is directly linked to the attitude toward the feminine that is frequently popularized through porn. It is a classic dance of the microcosmic/macrocosmic affect. If we look at the bigger picture holding hope for the survival of our species on this planet in the coming age and for the healthiest possible Earth than there is a drastic need to shift this distorted vision of the feminine.
Sure there is room in this world and your life for porn. Just be clear where your line with it is. Like many other addictions the question becomes how frequent is your usage? There is a difference between occasional viewing and an uncontrollable need for viewing.
Some men who choose to be in monogamous relationships state that porn helps to fulfills their desire for diverse flavour and maintain their committed relationship. I agree there are certainly conscious ways of using everything yet I recommend observing your habits with honesty.
Check in if it is something you are hiding and lying about? We know that it is secrecy and lies that create shame which then lead to barriers in your sexual expression. Has your partner been trying to seduce you for days and instead of connecting with her you are turning to a quick fix with porn? Do you need to check out with a porn related fantasy in order to orgasm while you are making love with a real woman?
Once it has reached addictive levels it has begun to rewire the neural pathways of the brain. Porn is affecting the dopamine production and then affects the testosterone levels. We know that the testosterone affects the libido and loss of desire or the ability to have an erection even for young men. If you have been experiencing this and you have not known why you may want to consider making some changes and reclaim your sexuality to support you to thrive in this world.
The big question here really becomes how much is porn truly serving what you are wanting in your sexual life? Ask yourself and take the time to reflect. If you are finding that it is not serving you the way that you desire there are many avenues to approach for habit shifting that will require some dedication.
The Real Deal – Get Outside
A simple and pleasurable Tantric suggestion for those that have a sexual partner is to spend this summer making love outside as much as possible as an intentional offering for the healing of this Earth.
I recommend to anyone having a porn craving to alternatively jump in the car or on the bikes and head to the most beautiful quiet place you can get to with your Beloved. Go outside, make love, be free and go wild offering your creative energies as a prayer for the healing of the Feminine.
Replace this nagging craving with the real deal. Let your love song be heard through the valleys, canyons and forests this summer. Consecrate your lovemaking with purpose for this Earth that we call home. Simply take a moment to really consciously offer up your practice to the healing of the Feminine and to our Beloved Earth. If you manage to do this every day I guarantee you a fabulous summer.